In my office block, there is this notice outside the lifts. "STRICTLY NO CONTRACTORS... ALLOW INTO THIS LIFT", other than the bad grammar, our contract IT consultants are not allowed to use the lift.
Please use the stairs ^__^
Showing posts with label Tickle My Funny Bone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tickle My Funny Bone. Show all posts
Monday, April 5, 2010
Strictly No Contract IT Consultants
We contract IT consultants in our workplace, and we sometimes call them "contractors".
In my office block, there is this notice outside the lifts. "STRICTLY NO CONTRACTORS... ALLOW INTO THIS LIFT", other than the bad grammar, our contract IT consultants are not allowed to use the lift.
Please use the stairs ^__^
In my office block, there is this notice outside the lifts. "STRICTLY NO CONTRACTORS... ALLOW INTO THIS LIFT", other than the bad grammar, our contract IT consultants are not allowed to use the lift.
Please use the stairs ^__^
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
So, How Is Your Day?
Receive this from a friend...
65' custom-built motor yacht complete with 4 staterooms, a state-of-the-art galley, GPS System and radar for navigation, twin supercharged diesel engines, etc.
Cost $4,500,000.00
Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries with cream and music dockside for the excited 'soon to be owners' and a small group of friends.
Cost $500.00
Two corporate representatives, crane, and rigging complete with faulty turnbuckle.
Cost $2,500/hour
(Note the guy in the stern!)
Watching your dreamboat nose dive into the harbor, accompanied by two corporate
Representatives just prior to 'inking' the final paperwork...
Cost PRICELESS!
So, how was your day.....
65' custom-built motor yacht complete with 4 staterooms, a state-of-the-art galley, GPS System and radar for navigation, twin supercharged diesel engines, etc.
Cost $4,500,000.00
Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries with cream and music dockside for the excited 'soon to be owners' and a small group of friends.
Cost $500.00
Two corporate representatives, crane, and rigging complete with faulty turnbuckle.
Cost $2,500/hour
(Note the guy in the stern!)
Watching your dreamboat nose dive into the harbor, accompanied by two corporate
Representatives just prior to 'inking' the final paperwork...
Cost PRICELESS!
So, how was your day.....
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Birth Day: From Conception to Birth
Received this from a friend, enjoy reading....
The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Joke: Office HRD Notice
Received this from my colleague, enjoy...
HUMOROUS HRD NOTICE OF A COMPANY TO ALL EMPLOYEES
[ A circular was found in one of the office notice boards ]
Dear STAFF ,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
1) TRANSPORTATION :
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
2) ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.
3) LUNCH BREAK :
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
4) SICK DAYS :
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
5) TOILET USE :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.
6) SURGERY :
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
7) INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.
- Important Note : Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.
Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
HUMOROUS HRD NOTICE OF A COMPANY TO ALL EMPLOYEES
[ A circular was found in one of the office notice boards ]
Dear STAFF ,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
1) TRANSPORTATION :
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
2) ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.
3) LUNCH BREAK :
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
4) SICK DAYS :
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
5) TOILET USE :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.
6) SURGERY :
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
7) INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.
- Important Note : Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.
Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
What Is Rhinorrhea
Rhinorrhea is a Rhinoceros with a bad case of diarrhea.
*picture from http://thebig.tripout.co.uk
Well.... read the real meaning in RichRach blog or wikipedia.
*picture from http://thebig.tripout.co.uk
Well.... read the real meaning in RichRach blog or wikipedia.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Milicks or Horlo
Its tea time for me in my office, and I made myself a cham Milo Horlicks hot drink.. Milicks or Horlo. Taste more Milo. Have to put more Horlicks next time.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Ah Beng's E-meow
Another forwarded joke... enjoy
Ah Beng's e-meow - For Laugh
Dear Ah Lian
Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.
You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger.
After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.
Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.
I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few
free to call me. Goo bye.....
Worm regard,
Ah Beng
Ah Beng's e-meow - For Laugh
Dear Ah Lian
Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.
You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger.
After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.
Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.
I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few
free to call me. Goo bye.....
Worm regard,
Ah Beng
China In Buying
Another forwarded email... enjoy
Buying In China
A man went on business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happen if this does not work?'
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, 'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'.
Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.
He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refuse to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China . We read from the right to the left.'
Buying In China
A man went on business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happen if this does not work?'
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, 'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'.
Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.
He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refuse to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China . We read from the right to the left.'
Malaysian Leaves
I received this via email... just to share with you.
What kinds of leave are there existing in Malaysia? Quite a few. Including the "non-official" ones.
AL - Annual Leave.
EL - Emergency Leave.
MC - Medical (Certificate) Leave.
Mat. L - Maternity Leave.
Pat. L - Short for Paternity Leave. For men who spouses are on 'Mat. L' as mentioned above.
VL - Visitor's Leave. Taken when friends or relatives come visiting (especially those who are back for holidays from overseas).
PL - Protest Leave. When one going to join a demonstration or protest and need to leave office early and returning late (or maybe ending in jail - then ExL).
ExL - Extended Leave. Already on leave but need more leave to carry on with whatever one's doing; like continue with demonstration/protest or being in jail.
CelebL - Celebration Leave. Contiuation after Public Holiday or need leave to celebrate an occasion like hungry ghost festival, mass circumcission or paying penance to a vow etc.
OL - Overslept Leave. Either working late/overtime night before or heavy partying that one couldn't wake up on time to go to work.
POL - Pissed Off Leave. When you're super annoyed with something or someone at work, and refuse to go in the next day. Maybe in the form of MC or EL. Usually based on some trivial reason like 'stomachache' or 'cat died'.
CL - Compassionate Leave. Usually given when a member of immediate family is sick or has passed on. Subject to rampant abuse by unscrupulous employees who say they 'have very big but close family'.
FL - Football Leave. Applied on the day your team loses the Champion's League final at 3.00am in the morning.
SL - Singles Leave. For unmarried people who are ineligible for Mat. L and Pat. L, (to be fair to all) so they are given a few days off every year to actually go and socialise and find a spouse. Number of days you are entitled to increases with your age. To increase your chances lah...
FDSL - First Day of School Leave. Parents need to accompany their kids to the first day of school / kindergarten / nursery / pre-nursery / swimming class / music appreciation class...
And since of Feb 14 is fast approaching, here goes... [next year]
VDL - Valentine's Day Leave. For those who "forgot to buy flowers so they have to run around town to find cheap roses if they're not to die tonight" leave. Usually taken once a year...
This one, my own leave...
BL - Birthday Leave. I don't work on my birthday leave.
What kinds of leave are there existing in Malaysia? Quite a few. Including the "non-official" ones.
AL - Annual Leave.
EL - Emergency Leave.
MC - Medical (Certificate) Leave.
Mat. L - Maternity Leave.
Pat. L - Short for Paternity Leave. For men who spouses are on 'Mat. L' as mentioned above.
VL - Visitor's Leave. Taken when friends or relatives come visiting (especially those who are back for holidays from overseas).
PL - Protest Leave. When one going to join a demonstration or protest and need to leave office early and returning late (or maybe ending in jail - then ExL).
ExL - Extended Leave. Already on leave but need more leave to carry on with whatever one's doing; like continue with demonstration/protest or being in jail.
CelebL - Celebration Leave. Contiuation after Public Holiday or need leave to celebrate an occasion like hungry ghost festival, mass circumcission or paying penance to a vow etc.
OL - Overslept Leave. Either working late/overtime night before or heavy partying that one couldn't wake up on time to go to work.
POL - Pissed Off Leave. When you're super annoyed with something or someone at work, and refuse to go in the next day. Maybe in the form of MC or EL. Usually based on some trivial reason like 'stomachache' or 'cat died'.
CL - Compassionate Leave. Usually given when a member of immediate family is sick or has passed on. Subject to rampant abuse by unscrupulous employees who say they 'have very big but close family'.
FL - Football Leave. Applied on the day your team loses the Champion's League final at 3.00am in the morning.
SL - Singles Leave. For unmarried people who are ineligible for Mat. L and Pat. L, (to be fair to all) so they are given a few days off every year to actually go and socialise and find a spouse. Number of days you are entitled to increases with your age. To increase your chances lah...
FDSL - First Day of School Leave. Parents need to accompany their kids to the first day of school / kindergarten / nursery / pre-nursery / swimming class / music appreciation class...
And since of Feb 14 is fast approaching, here goes... [next year]
VDL - Valentine's Day Leave. For those who "forgot to buy flowers so they have to run around town to find cheap roses if they're not to die tonight" leave. Usually taken once a year...
This one, my own leave...
BL - Birthday Leave. I don't work on my birthday leave.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Old Jokes
Just want to share this email I received from my friend.
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Forward this to every one you can remember right now!
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Forward this to every one you can remember right now!
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
How DO I Keep My Toe Dry
How do I keep my toe dry when I have my shower. The doctor told me to use a plastic bag, but the water still leaks in.
I found another method... see picture below.
Rubber gloves, environment friendlier compared to plastic bags.
I found another method... see picture below.
Rubber gloves, environment friendlier compared to plastic bags.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Email Inbox on Exam Pressure
Some of you must have already seen these. What happens when students are stressed out... forwarded by my colleague.
Expand, E x p a n d, E x p a n d
You're fired
Batman
Get that elephant out of the way
Explain the shape
Pheno...crto.. what?
X marks the spot
Hangman
Expand, E x p a n d, E x p a n d
You're fired
Batman
Get that elephant out of the way
Explain the shape
Pheno...crto.. what?
X marks the spot
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Types of egg
From my fren's Yahoo messenger status, she is in the US now...
Why the different colour? According to Wikipedia...
Egg shell color is caused by pigment deposition during egg formation in the oviduct and can vary according to species and breed, from the more common white or brown to pink or speckled blue-green.
In general, chicken breeds with white ear lobes lay white eggs, whereas chickens with red ear lobes lay brown eggs.
Although there is no significant link between shell color and nutritional value, there is often a cultural preference for one color over another.
For example, in most regions of the United States, chicken eggs are generally white; while in the northeast of that country and in the United Kingdom, they are generally light-brown. In Brazil and Poland, white chicken eggs are generally regarded as industrial, and brown or reddish ones are preferred.
Click here to read more bout eggs... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egg_(food)
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Ah Beng Jokes
Just received this from my colleague, enjoy arrr....
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,"My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.
Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : "I was watching TV news..."
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for complement.."
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,"My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.
Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : "I was watching TV news..."
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for complement.."
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
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